College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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