Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
we made out on top of his cat.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
