Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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