if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
