omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
