i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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