i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
A+ Viking dick
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
