Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
