I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
