yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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