I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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