Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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