Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I skipped work to stalk him.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
