The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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