I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
