My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
