So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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