im drinking this country out of the recession.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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