well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
