Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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