Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
