i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
did i just pee glitter
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
