Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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