Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
