i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
