Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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