I think I am morally bankrupt
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
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