He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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