So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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