I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
