I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
