On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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