I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
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