I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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