the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
