he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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