Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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