his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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