i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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