Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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