allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
