girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
