Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
