you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
