were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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