Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
