nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
