I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I smell like Dick and happiness
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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