well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
