I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
